Overcoming Insecurity

Many of us struggle at overcoming insecurity after losing trust in people we love. At some time in our lives most of us have been betrayed by the words of our friends and loved ones.

Maybe someone spilled a secret thoughtlessly, or we were the subject of ridicule, leaving us avoiding close relationships with others. Maybe we've been abandoned by a partner, or feel betrayed by other past experiences.

Wearing Masks

Often the wounding goes so deep that we create masks and walls to hide behind as protection against further pain while we struggle with overcoming insecurity. So we become the persona that we are prepared to show, and hide the real self away.

Usually we keep the wounding caused by thoughtless, judging remarks private, rather than seeking a second opinion about it.In time, as we continue to hug it close, it becomes part of our self belief.

Hiding our true feelings doesn’t help us to overcome insecurity about our sense of self, especially if the wounds are deep.

Our friendships suffer as a consequence and the cutting remarks and sense of betrayal eats into our confidence and self esteem. We then either create a projected image that is defensive and cutting, or fall into the trap of self pity, projecting a poor self image which displays little confidence.

When we begin the journey towards authenticity, it becomes important to let these protective walls down and for this we need the support and care of others. To acknowledge that we have been presenting a false self and to ask for recognition of our real self, although difficult, is a rewarding and life giving step to take.

As you take this step, is also important to realise that you are not alone. If you have spent the majority of your adult life nurturing a connection to a false self, how many others around you have been doing the same? Most people of course!

In reality, most people are struggling with deep insecurities at some level.

Overcoming Insecurity -
Take Care Who You First Choose to Reveal Yourself To

Removing your mask and lowering your defensive walls can be quite a challenge for others, especially those close to you. This is because they are probably wearing masks of their own.

We don our masks because we cannot accept ourselves let alone allow anyone else to see as “as we think we are”.

Therefore when we spill our innermost fears we run the risk of exposing to others the presence of their own, unacknowledged masks, rather like looking at a reflection of themselves in a mirror which we are holding up to them.

It isn’t unusual to find that we have unwittingly ‘opened a can of worms’ before the other person is ready to confront them.

Negative, defensive remarks only reveal the other person’s projection and denial of their own masking, however, this can create anger and defence and may serve the purpose of making us retreat instead of coming forward.

So do take care who you 'come out' to!

This often happens when a marriage falls apart and we solicit help and support.

Sometimes the level of bitterness from others can be quite astonishing if we don’t realise that our situation has just triggered a hidden disquiet in their relationship or maybe their own fear of failure.

Overcoming Insecurity - Moving Forwards

As we grow into our own self acceptance, we become clearer about who we can trust and respect and who we need to safeguard ourself around.

The more comfortable we become with our authentic self’s unmasking, the more we are able to be who we truly are without the risk of upsetting remarks from family and friends.

The most wonderful part about living without the mask is that we get to feel and experience the acceptance of others for our real self and not for our projected persona.

That level of self validation is incredibly enriching and healing.

Facing our Fears
Read here about what's behind the masks we wear and how to go about facing our fears.